A farewell to Alex...

I haven't posted this as soon as I had hoped to, mostly due to the fact that I didn't know quite how to put into words what I wanted and needed to say. I still don't but I need to do this so I can move forward, both here in Suzannahstan and in general. So here goes!

On June 2nd at 6am, Alexandria Egypt, Port City on the Nile (m.k.a. Alex) suffered a blood clot that moved into her spine and rendered her back legs and tail completely non-functioning. We (Dave and I.... and I can't say enough about Dave through this situation) took her to the U of M Vet Hospital because no where else was open and they diagnosed her. I think both Dave and I knew on the ride there that things were definitely not good but didn't say anything. I knew that she would never come home again, and I sat with her in the back seat by her carrier talking to her on the ride. When we arrived, there was the obvious paperwork and one of the nurses took her back to be looked at by one of the vets. I was fine until about 2 minutes after Dave finished the paperwork.

Alex had been mine since June 1992 when at 8 weeks old I found her in an ad posted in the newsletter for the company I had worked at, and we had been through almost everything, good and bad, together till the day she died. She was definitely a cat that believed that I was around to be there just for her and demanded my attention, loudly, on most occasions when she felt it was needed. Alex announced bedtimes, kept me company during late nights when i couldn't sleep and read, reminded both Dave and I that meals should always be on time and mostly was content to treat Emma (before she died in Oct. 09) and Merlin like the cats they were, not like the cat she was. As I write this it doesn't sound like Alex was as magnificent as she really was, but I can't seem to find the right words to describe her better. She was a fantastic cat.... regal, aloof when she wanted to be, talkative (to the point of absolute domination of the house) and loving in her own way, which suited me perfectly. To face losing her was something that I had thought about over the course of her life, and like most pet owners I think, dreaded what it would be like to not have her in my life.

As we sat in the waiting room and other people came in and left with their pets, I couldn't keep myself from crying. Dave came and hugged me and tried to keep me in a positive place, because we really didn't know what was going on. The doctor came out and took us to a room and confirmed that she had suffered a blood clot. She told us that there were things that they could try to do, but it would be a long road and Alex would be in pain and wouldn't necessarily gain the use of her legs, most cats don't. She told us the other option was to put Alex to sleep. She left us alone to discuss it, but the minute she said that any treatment would leave Alex in pain (something they had already given her a painkiller for), I knew what had to be done and I have no doubt that Dave did too. We were both very rational at that point and I don't remember crying when we made the decision. In fact we laughed a bit about something that I can't even recall, but i'm sure it had something to do with Alex, who we could hear in a room nearby, talking in her "I'm not sure what YOU think you're doing" voice.

They brought her to us in what they have set up as a quiet room that looks out on the grounds of the St. Paul campus, and I held her as both Dave and I talked to her for awhile. She had never been a lap kitty and definitely was never big on being held, and she tried to get out of my arms, even though she couldn't use her legs, which we knew was frustrating and scary for her. We laughed with each other remembering different "Alex moments" and Dave scratched her head and ears. We probably spent around 20 minutes just talking to her and trying to make things not so scary. She calmed down a bit (in Alex standards that was amazing in and of itself!) and just let us hold and pet her. When the doctor finally came in and administered the injections that would stop her heart, I knew the moment it happened. It was raining outside and as I felt her heart beat the last time, it seemed like the rain picked up and somehow even God felt her leave us. We held her and cried for a little bit, but knew that she wasn't with us anymore and soon after gave her body to the doctor for cremation. We have used cremation with both cats that Dave and I had lost before and their ashes are in wooden urns that have room for pictures. I know that it's been the easiest way for us to deal with their losses and feel like they aren't so far away. Although, I still haven't found the best picture for Alex's urn.... I'm looking. But she is back home, in a sense.

So, why share all this? I don't know.... well, it is my blog... and I guess I knew that this would somehow be part of my goodbye to her. Even though she will live in my heart forever. Luckily I had taken some video of her one night when I was between books and it's here if you'd like to see the queen "A" in her "natural environment".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHE2QSRvOm4

MIA

Just wanted to post a short note apologizing for my MIA status. I will be making a few entries this week, but time runs short right now, as cleaning the apartment (those of you who have visited should know that the dining room is about to be tackled) which sounds like a weekly thing, but ours is in a totally different realm since some things haven't been touched since we moved in 3 years ago. Many would say then throw all of it away, but we don't work on that principle and thus today begins the great dining room migration of 2010!! Wish me luck :). And Erin, you get a special shout out for reading this and letting me know.... you rule... in fact, you rock harder than one hand can manage! (Dave told me about the rock band incident lol) Have a groovy Monday everyone!!! Suz

Summer

And so it seems that summer has begun. Now I don't want to be blamed if the temperature plummets...again. But it feels like it's the season. The sun shines, the pollen floats, the cats lay in the sunshine as if it was the most perfect and comfortable place in the world and the grass gets cut (although from what i've heard from Dave's mom, it's more like hacking through a jungle...3 weeks away can do that lol). And even though my allergies are going crazy, I LOVE IT!! YEA SUMMER! WELCOME TO MINNESOTA!!!

The pools will open soon and I should probably start to work on my tan... this may mean the evil of tanning beds. But the way a tan feels makes all the difference in the world. Photo-therapy at its best!! The inevitable choice... skin cancer (maybe) or feeling absolutely phenomenal?? What to do?? What to do?? Sigh..... the tanning beds it is. At least I won't look like Snookie.... ugh!!! That bizarre orange look is so scary.... but luckily i can keep myself from appearing as though i've been attacked by an orange!

Happy Summer everybody!!!! I look forward to our adventures!

One of many things I don't understand...

First off, let me say that my grandma was an amazing woman. She married my grandpa when she was around her early 20's if not sooner (after having seen her at a dance and telling his friends that she was the woman he would marry, they were married within less than 6 weeks). She helped him work the farm they lived on, went through 3 very hard pregnancies and went on to be one of the 10 greatest people who ever lived... and that's not just because she was my grandma. Maybe something to do with the Bing cherry dumplings at Christmas and the brownies prepared lovingly just for me every weekend.... but I would argue that there is SOOOO much more. The point of this is that part of this brilliant woman was her belief, which she was fantastically good to share, that God is God, no matter what the name is.... Allah, the enlightenment sought by Buddha, whatever the name... I have to say that as I grew up Catholic (as did she) this wasn't something that anyone else ever even touched upon during my education (both secular and non). I love her tremendously for sharing this belief with me. And I have to say that since I've grown up in my faith and knowledge base I have to say that I include the universe itself in what or who God is.

So, having said that. I don't really understand why there is so much of a rivalry between faith and technology. I recently watched "Contact" which states in such a phenomenal way this rivalry and at its conclusion blames the primary character Ellie for having faith in something that she can not prove, which is also the thing which held her back during an earlier part of the film. Many people who I know, especially the atheists ask me to prove that God exists. And my lack of appropriate proof for the is the reason they say they continue not to believe. I must be lucky enough to see God all around. And even though this may sound trite, I see God in the sunrise, the beauty of the landscape, the love that I feel from those around me, and most importantly to this entry, in the things that science has brought us.

How can God not be seen in the vaccines that save children from polio? The MRI scans that can show a tumor that wouldn't be seen by an x-ray for what becomes valuable time to the person who has it? Granted, technology isn't always this helpful. Who was ever really aided by an ICBM? But I think that speaks more to the human population than technology itself. So I don't understand why there has to be a gap between faith and science. Maybe as we advance as a species the gap will close and neither science or faith will be looked upon as a "bad" thing. Maybe by then we can stop fighting about who God really is too. Ah, the wishes of a dreamer.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all Mom's out there... especially Jo (Thanks for always being there!), Marilyn and Holly (who get to spend the day together somewhere in world), Angel, Sonya and Joyt (the Gray house mom's), Linnea, Shannon and Erin (the Dietrich mom's) and last but certainly not least, Annie and Dawn (the Schwartz mom's). I love you all and feel SO blessed to have you as part of my life! Please hug your munchkins (yes, even the big ones) for me and enjoy your day!! You deserve it!!!

P.S. As a shout out... Thad gets a mention too, for being a Mr. Mom while Holly was working and getting ready for the current excursion out into the world! You rock as a mom!!! But if I ever hear a certain nickname again.... (regarding petals) this shout out can be revoked... just so you know!! :)

P.S.#2 Should we all watch "Steel Magnolias" together later on?? Just a thought.

Twitter..... and my sleep number bed's fascination with that Bieber kid

Long, long ago, I started a twitter account. It sat for quite awhile before I used it for anything much. But after Craig Ferguson (The Late Late Show on CBS) started his own account, I decided to see what he was tweeting about and then started following both friends and celebrities alike. Since then I have found that twitter is addictive! The ability to comment on random thoughts by people like Stephen Fry, Nathan Fillion, my dear friend Corey and many many more is almost like being a part of their world without the horrible consequence of CSS (Celebrity Spaz Syndrome).

For those of you who don't know about CSS, imagine me (if you know me... otherwise imagine someone friendly and excitable, a human labrador retriever if you will?) meeting someone who I admire, like Dave Foley. This is what CSS does.... "Oh my God! You were so awesome tonight!!! You know what? My dentist looks JUST like you!! And you know what else??? His wife's name is LISA!!! Isn't that hysterical???" Mr. Foley, who has just finished a Kids in the Hall show is gracious enough not to spray me with mace and after giving me an autograph says "Um, thank you?" and by the grace of God, Dave (my Dave) pulls me away from Mr. Foley. This is the horror of CSS, for both celebrities and myself (or those like me) who realize what happened afterwards. Twitter makes this almost impossible... I say almost because I have seen it with my own eyes, tweeted by my own fingers... sigh.

So now that I have my 21 followers (yeah, who knew?) and my short list of 30 odd followees (?), I can comment to my hearts content in 140 characters on things that I wouldn't use this space for. A strange thought now occurs... How many people really want to know or care what I think??? Hmm, I guess if you're reading this or are following me on twitter (suzannah_mpls), then you do.

Now for the sleep number beds' fascination with Justin Bieber. Twitter has a sort of hot list of topics and Mr. B is ALWAYS on it!!!! Which is creepy to me, because I find him creepy..... what can I say. Someone buy the kid a barrette or something. That hair cut is strange and what's gonna happen when he hits puberty??? Will it be like the Brady Bunch episode??? ANYWAYS... So the other morning, around 4, when I usually find myself awake and therefore check to see what happened to all of those followees on the west coast during the night, I see that Bieber is NOT on the popular topics... I celebrate by notating it in a tweet! At which point my sleep number bed ADJUSTS ITSELF to a completely uncomfortable setting. So I tweet about this. IT HAPPENS AGAIN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED. What is going on I wonder??? So I make a sort of Bieber tweet apology and reset my bed. All is well.... UNTIL the next time I see the hair flipping young singer's name back on the popular topics list and comment ... Guess what happens??? THAT'S RIGHT!! MY BED ADJUSTS itself again!! I reset it but now don't comment on the flippy haired kid while in bed, which is hard, because its way too easy to tweet at 4am. Lately though, i've decided that Bieber has a Robot Fan Army which keeps him in the popular topics on twitter. But that's just me.

Being a different kind of parent

Just a warning, this could be considered sappy.... but it's my blog, so sappy is alright.

So, since I was about 5 years old there have been animals of one kind or another in my home and in my life. First was Kitty (real original I know, but it was my Mom's choice) who had been the runt of the litter and was thus rescued. I cant give you any more than the names of the ones that followed, because they came to us via strange paths, but Buck, Smokey, Cupcake (strangest path, from Norwalk, California to Omaha via the seat next to me on American Airlines, lured into my 9 year old arms with tuna from under a car in Norwalk) and Munchkin (aka the cat i called Monkey, with permanent PMS). But these were my Mom's pets more than mine. She paid their vet bills, fed them most of the time, scooped the poop and changed the litter. It wasn't until 199 that I started my own journey as a pet parent.

I was working at Boys' Town right out of university and thought I would work there until I retired, since I had been a resident and graduate of BT and loved my time there when I was in high school. Working there was a COMPLETELY different set of experiences, rules and obstacles which ended in me losing my job due to what my evil harpy of a boss called "a lack of professionalism and poor judgement". (Just to set the record straight, she had been working at BT when I was a resident and had been an evil harpy then too.) However, about 2 months after I started working, there was a notice in the company newsletter about an employee who had a 6 week old kitten that needed a home. This kitten became my Alex (full name: Alexandria Egypt, Port city on the Nile.. what? She looked Egyptian and Cleopatra was so overdone!!). Alex and I have had many adventures including 8 moves, the addition of Emma (full name: Somalia of Omaha, even though she never lived in Omaha for even a day) in 1995 and the inevitable addition of Dave and Merlin (in 1996), and finally the welcoming of Solo (who was going to be put down because of an idiot who worked at my final job at Hammer Residences) in 2001. So they became our kids for lack of a better term, because what I have felt for these cats, especially those who I have lost, is an unconditional love that most non-pet owners find strange, and only real pet lovers understand.

When Solo and Em died I felt like a huge part of me died and I think that Dave felt the a lot of the same feelings. Solo's journey to the other side was longer than Em's, which was so fast that it felt almost blurred. And over the past few weeks we ALMOST lost Alex. It was far and away some of the worst days that I have ever endured. Talk of cancer, when and if to stop treatment, heart problems, kidney failure... (for what turned out to be some major constipation as well as severe dehydration for reasons still unknown) and numerous visits to our fantastic vet, culminating in a last visit with a fairly clean bill of health for an 18 year old total diva kitty. As she got better slowly through the days, I had times of being giddy with joy at the simplest things, like Alex going up in her tree, jumping on my bed, eating an entire bowl of food and last but certainly not least yelling at me and everybody she sees (it is a charming trait, I swear!) I also had the horrible sleepless nights just watching to make sure she was breathing, administering sub-cutaneous fluids (a 2 person job if there ever was one) and just making sure she was warm and comfortable. It felt like weeks and we're still all enjoying the thrill of sub-cue fluids, medications and checking the litter box for "deposits"...

So I guess the point of this post is that even those of us who don't have human kids are still parents to furry kids. Because I love these animals that God has led into my life and would sacrifice anything to help them any way I knew how. The past days and weeks were about making decisions with respect to what to sacrifice and what would be enough. This is something that I wish no parent ever has to go through, ever. But I know all too many do, with human children and non-human children alike. My hope is that God will help us to be the best parents that we can be to the children that we have and help us with the support we need in times of crisis and indecision. Love and blessings upon all parents and children, everywhere, how, and when.